meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
