This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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