his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
