in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
did you just send me my own nude
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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