Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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