drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
