i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
