Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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