I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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