I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
