she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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