I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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