Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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