apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
