Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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