i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize