i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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