imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
