he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
