oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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