let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
