She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
