was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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