He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
