And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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