I smell stomach acid.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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