That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
