You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
