I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize