Cold hands, warm shart.
Where is the hickey?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
