just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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