Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
