i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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