Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
