im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize