ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
