My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When did angry sex become our thing?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
