Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
