$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
