Ambien. No doubt about it.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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