I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize