just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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