I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize