he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
