i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
