He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I would fuck him just for his dog
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
