Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can't just leave with hair like that
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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