She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
