Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
