Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
