are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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