so that wasnt chicken after all
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
