i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
