Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
