So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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