booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
