Porn is love you can see.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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