So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
