So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We are two peas in an std pod
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
