OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
