remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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