She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
