I want to have your abortion
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
