An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
