Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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