I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
