so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
