Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
