guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
