I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
