should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize