We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
