All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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