i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize