May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
