It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
