i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
