i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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