The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
