Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
