forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
