Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think my fart just growled at me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
