Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
