If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
