How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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