I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
