Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
