I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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