u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
