WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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